Jiawen. C

For me, I think it's the little things that don't cost money. However, it is also not easy to give or achieve. Sometimes, the things that don't cost money are harder to obtain than things that do cost money. I get giddy with little things like a message from him saying how much he misses me, him telling me not to sleep just yet because he wants to talk to me, I get giddy just by having him next to me. 

If I were to list down what kinds of dates that I enjoy the most, my answer would be all. Sure, a fancy date or adventurous dates once in awhile keep the relationship fresh and fun but at the end of the day I only crave his companion more than anything else and this cannot be bought with money. 

I just wanted him by my side, talking about little nothings, or things that matter to the both of us. 

Do I want materials? Yeah I guess sometimes I do because when those little things are not achieved sometimes maybe I need something else as a reminder or a sign that the love is still there. 

But again, these materials can only last so long. They can only make you happy for a little while. Materials will just be materials. I don't want memories to be made of materials but letters and pictures and getting to know each other a little better every time. 

Materials mean the same to everyone. A ring is a ring, a bouquet is a bouquet and they may profess love but those little things that money can't buy, they contain so much more than just love, so much more than just being in a romantic relationship;

These Little things do count. 

And they mean the world to me. 

So, if you're wondering if I'm happy,- 

Yes, I am happy;

even if all we have are the little things in life,

even if all we do is sit around in parks all night, 

I am more than happy 

because these little things, 

are our little things that mean something to us and nobody else

It felt like I had something in my chest

Something very heavy

and it's draining me 

I probably know what it is

but how do I get it off my chest?

I feel dirty and disgusted,

of everything 

but mostly of myself;

of my mistakes and my past; 

of who I am for the past 20 years

Could it be that people are right

that there is something wrong with me 

I know that nobody's perfect;

Imperfection is almost inevitable

but sometimes it feels like 

my flaw is unforgivable. 

그냥 힘들었어정말.