"Family love does not always come in packages, bows or a pat on the back. But it is always there"

I came up with this quote because I've experienced it all. From a life-changing incident that happened when I was 7, up to now. I am a girl who is highly dependent on her father. Everything I do, I seek for the approval of my dad. If he says 'No' , there is a high chance that I won't do it.

Not that I don't have my own opinion.

Not that my mum's approval don't matter.

It's just that my dad's compliments were hard earned. Since I was young, he never told me "good job". I always thought that I wasn't competent enough to be his daughter because in my mind he was that great. He was a self-taught Market Trader, he knew everything from history to additional mathematics (and even accounts). He wasn't English educated but he taught himself and his children English (his children are so English to the point that they can't read nor speak on-point mandarin haha)

I wanted to prove myself to him that I'm so much more than a nuisance.

Whenever I bring back my report card, he will never tell me well done. only because he didn't want me to stop striving for better results. "Do you think a 'B' is that great?" or "Do you think an A means that you're the best?" He'd tell me something like that and I'd run off complaining to my mother and all.

Throughout the years, as I grow up, I start to see the emotions behind his actions and words. I started to interpret his words more clearly. (Although there are times that I really cannot brain or understand anything) Notice the little things he's done for me and our little imperfect family.

It's not that he isn't proud. He just didn't want me to be arrogant. It's not that he doesn't want me to have whatever I want. He just wants me to learn that life doesn't work that way- life doesn't give you everything you want without effort. (or sometimes, even with effort, you won't get it because it is destined that way)

The thing is that, it's not that he wasn't proud of me. It's just that the way he expressed his emotions are different. He is a man after all, I can't expect him to be all mushy and lovey. (actually, i'd be quite uncomfortable if he is hahahaha)

Below, is a video which I have produced with my collegemates about Family Love. I know the video isn't perfect. But I hope that you guys would spare 5 minutes of your time to watch it. It really means a lot to me. This is actually a competition which results are based on public viewing. Therefore, every view is precious to me. I'll give you a virtual hug after! hahaha.

Nirvana - Family Love

Till I blog again, x