Mid last year, I've developed this feeling of being defeated whenever my friends do something that I wanted to do. I couldn't and didn't want to tolerate that my friends were quicker than me; especially if I have mentioned it over and over again what I wanted to do and they did it before me. 

I know this is a contradiction of what I use to stress about- fitting in. Shouldn't I be happy that people are actually liking what I like and my ideas? I guess this fits Maslow's hierarchy of need theory perfectly. Now that I have found friends, I don't need other people to listen or be in common with me. I'd like to think that this is a progress to my wish of not wanting to try and fit in to people around me. I'm tired of being someone else's shadow or being that second female lead in Korean Dramas who don't get things her own way- everything will give way to the female lead. 

Nobody wants to live the life of the second female lead even if she's darn pretty because what is looks when nobody acknowledges you and nothing goes your way? 

but the thing is, in reality there is no second female lead or female lead. Everyone is the main lead in their life and everyone else is the second lead. So why should you give attention to supporting or second leads in your life? 

Go at your own pace and achieve things based on your ability and not comparing or being upset by other people's doings or achievement. Let them rub it in your face for all you care. If you act like you don't care, you'll eventually not care. If they got a piece of clothing that you long wanted, get it anyway because it'll look different on you than on them and who knows you'll look better in it? If they did something which was clearly your idea before you, its okay and let them be because you know whose original idea was it and it's okay because it is obvious who has the more creative mind here. 

Do whatever that suits your life situation and original plans. If you can't stand other people having the same things as you then keep quiet about your plans because not everyone needs to know and if that person could steal your idea (without acknowledging or giving credits- what's worse than this?) then maybe that person doesn't even respect you enough and it's time to let them walk out the door because you really don't need people like that in life. 

Go at your own pace and when you finally reach your stop, you'll be as contented and happy. It doesn't matter who got there first. It doesn't matter at all because what's more important is the journey. Enjoy YOUR OWN journey and the rest will follow. 

Love, Jia Wen