Jiawen. C

I don't know about you but when someone talks about gender equality, I often only hear them talk about women's rights. About standing up for women and helping them to obtain equal rights as men but if you carefully break it down, gender equality doesn't mean that.

The title's said it all; I'm going to talk about feminism today. Not just feminism but new era feminism.

Before I start let me set out my definition of feminism; from my perspective and understanding.

To me feminism is a fight for women's rights. Back in the days, women are deprived off their rights some are even treated like animals. So from there comes about feminism women started to stand up for women, fighting for what we deserve- freedom, rights to speak, rights to pursue our dreams, rights to be no different from men and above all, to be respected.

In the earlier days of feminism campaigns, people were against the idea of feminism because it has been a norm that man would dominate and women is just the weaker gender who should be nothing but a homemaker... for lucky ones. Unlucky ones would be asked forced to be sex slaves.

Advocates of feminism are strong women who knows what they're doing. They want to be heard, to be seen and to be acknowledged for more than just their physical appearance. They want to be a part of society.

Back then it may be unknown to many what feminism is. But I believe that today, it is the opposite. Even the one who has the slightest knowledge regarding feminism knows what feminism is about.

In the past, it may be Marilyn Monroe and Eleanor Roosevelt and today we have Emma Watson and Meghan Markle as strong advocates of feminism.

These names listed above are strong and independent women who wants to be acknowledged for their work and capabilities. To be seen not just as someone with a pretty face but someone with brain and capabilities which may or may not be equivalent to men. These women depict class and grace. They demand to be respected. They deserve to be respected and they represent women.

However, today, the fight of feminism isn't the same anymore and it is disappointing. It is so far different from what those women have fought for. It is a different image. No longer the same image and I'm not sure if it gives out the right message.

I'm referring to how women portray themselves on the feminist movements nowadays. I get the "A women shouldn't have to be modest to be respected" quote and I agree too. I personally believe that it is not us who should limit ourselves in terms of dressing. But a line still has to be drawn. There's a fine line between being sexy and being slutty. The former may demand respect but I doubt anyone would want to respect the latter.

How you dress is also how you want yourself to be seen, to be treated.

In the past, advocates of feminism wear pantsuit to show power and independence. There was a time where women weren't taught to wear pants, only dresses and skirts. Thus the wearing of pantsuit is sort of rebellious; it is the beginning of feminism.

What we're trying to say today is that women should not be told how to dress, but men should be told not to rape. Yet again, participants of feminist movements are wearing tit stickers, being half naked and wearing tshirt with nsfw pictures?????? Which part may I ask of this demands respect? Yes I agree, women should not be told how to dress but is that really how YOU want to dress? Do you think it depicts class, grace and elegance? if you were to be a child again, would you respect that? Is this what you want your daughter to learn? to become?

I'm sure you don't want your daughter to reveal parts of herself just so she could fight for her rights? We claim that women's bodies are holy temples which should be treated with respect but do you think this is respect?

If I were to create a metaphor, it gives an impression of cheap stock from the night market.

I'd like to quote Simon Williams, an expert in feminism.

"Feminism is about a woman's rights to be treated equally, socially economically and politically- while never sharing any images of their own bodies, because then all bets are off. You obviously can't talk about the exploitation of women, and then put a photo of yourself in a bikini on Instagram- that is madness and hypocrisy of the highest order" 

While I disagree the part on wearing a bikini because, that's still sort of acceptable(?) i don't know. But I hope you get where I'm coming from.

I know there are many different views on this and I may not be the wisest or I may not understand the exact meaning of the movement, yet. but I stand firm on my belief.

Although women deserve the rights to dress however they please without having to worry about being raped or groped, a line still has to be drawn. The way you dress shows how much you respect yourself and how much you value yourself. How do you expect people to respect you when you dress like you don't deserve to be respected.

While I praise the courage of those who are willing to wear things like that out in public, I do not approve of it as the right way to fight for feminism.

I was reading a minimalist blog when I thought of this. I mean I had always known how unimportant numbers and stats can be when it comes to measuring the quality of life but it just never sits in my head. At the end of the day, I'd still be fussing over the amount of likes, follower turnover, my weight, my height and everything else.

As I was reading that post, it occurred to me that sometimes it's not that I want to obsess over numbers but it's because of the influence of people around me. People around me are constantly discussing about their weight or height and comparing each other's followers and Instagram likes; as well as talk about another's. I know it sounds like I'm hanging around a bunch of shallow people but you really can't blame them because this is how society works nowadays. Sadly, I'm one of them too.
My worth is determined by the numbers; the numbers of likes I have on my recent Instagram post, whether or not my weight has increased or decreased and whether my height was considered ideal.

I guess it's not that we want to live our life based on numbers but it's just how other people respond to your numbers that make you so self-aware.

Everyone wants to be somebody, right?




Till I write again,
Jiawen

Okay so, I have went on a semi-long rant on Facebook and to my boyfriend (it will be the first msg he sees when he wakes up HAHAH #sorry) and now here I am. because I am damn long winded and I am not done expressing how I have an issue with this society. This happened because I chanced upon a video on Facebook about a girl who choose to stop wearing makeup due to her acne problems and then she got attacked.

Lesson learned: don't open Facebook in the morning because it will fuck up your day.

Okay, first of all.

Why are people so double standard??

Everyone has the rights to be treated nicely and to earn a living based on their ability. 

I'm not perfect. The world who does not owe me anything has taken a lot away from me and at the same time had given me a lot. For a 20 year old, it is safe to say that I am complicated.

There are monsters living up in my head and these monsters are not all wild, there are tame ones as well. I guess you may imagine them to be tiny with teary eyes and an adorable grin. They are in charge of my happiness and my positive thoughts, they let me know that my turn to be happy is finally here and that I deserve to be happy. They remind me of my worth and they push me to do things which I think I cannot do, they're my little angels.

And then, you have those who has stinky breath, sharp teeth and a loud growl. These they tell me that I am unworthy, they tell me that I am undeserving of any happiness and I should pay for all my sins. They remind me how unworthy I am and that I am nothing but my flaws. They make me hate myself and they never allow me to be truly happy. They are my demons.

When the demons come out to play, the angels seek for place to hide. They are powerless against the demons. These monsters in my head, they're scary. They make me lose focus, they make me feel weak and they make me think that I am unlovable; I do not deserve to be happy.

I want to rid of these monsters in my head, I wish they were never there, I wish I never had to deal with them. I just wanted to feel happy, worthy and not insecure.

There are past experiences that will carve memories in your head- those that you can't really forget. You might think that you've forgotten about it, but no. Some feelings, some words, some people will remind you of that one thing that you've tried so hard to forget about because it causes you so much misery, hurt and pain.

You try to tell people that it no longer bother you but it's a lie; purpose not to deceive anyone but yourself. You want to believe that it no longer bothers you so that you can let it go, for real this time.

Maybe you found a new happiness that allow you to take your mind off of that sometimes. You thought that you've healed. You're ready to start a new life, turn over a new leaf.

Until something happens.

Something that triggers your past experiences again. Something similar. Things may not turn out the same as before. Yet, it may. You're afraid that the same thing would happen but this time, it will hurt 10 times more than before. You know that this will not only change who you are but it will also break you.

You have too much to lose, this time.

You try to have faith in yourself, in God and in those who you've handed your heart over to. But at some point, you remind yourself that everyone is on their own. They don't care about anyone else but themselves. Everyone has a price for anyone. When the price is right, they will prioritize themselves in the expense of others. So, how can I really trust anyone with my heart?

These insecurities they eat you up alive. They rob you off your happiness and fill you with doubts and fear. The moment you think that you'll do fine and everything will be alright, this old friend called insecurity pays a visit and everything goes to waste.

And then, you're back in square one.

hides the deepest pain.

When someone is laughing on the street, can you claim that he or she is happy and contented with life? Contented, maybe. Happy, not exactly. This theory is exactly same with the measurement of the GDP of a country. GDP is the best measure of the standards of living but it cannot measure the quality of life and how happy the citizens are.

Smiles make you think that they're happy. Maybe they are, at that point of time. Maybe they even claim to be but if u search their heart you'll find that they're not really that happy and that maybe they're just trying to conceal everything because "Fake it until you believe it" or maybe they just didn't want to admit their sorrows and frustrations.

I am a loyal practitioner of this and I often talk myself into thinking that I am happy and that everything is okay. Yes, I talk to myself but you know as much as I'm trying to convince myself sometimes it just doesn't work and I break down into a million pieces. All my sorrows and frustrations slaps me in the face and all my efforts in trying to be happy just go to waste. Because when I breakdown, oftentimes I do not know what are the exact reasons...

Maybe it is everything combined

When I was younger, at the age where friends around me were starting to get into relationships the first thing my mother told me was, don't let guys put their hands up your skirt, don't let them touch you anywhere and all those along that line. That was what I was taught. I wasn't taught to know what I was worth. I wasn't told that I need to be with a guy who was a gentleman, who knows to respect women and be loyal. I hadn't been taught all that. I had only been taught to not let guys take (sexual) advantage of me. At that point, I didn't think that anything was wrong. As a matter of fact, I thought that it was natural that guys will have the "desire" and I had to depend on myself to stop them.

"wear longer skirts"
"don't show your cleavage"
"don't simply make eye-contact"

All these statements were said to me not because to make me look like a respectable lady but because to prevent me from getting catcalled, risking myself from becoming a rape victim, from getting hit on by creepy men and etc. It wasn't to enhance my self-worth nor is it to build my personality.

But really, will wearing longer skirts, not showing cleavage, not making eye-contact or whatsoever everyone deem as "inappropriate" will prevent me or any other girls from becoming a victim of sexual assault? No, it won't because our whole society is screwed up. From informal education to our legislation system. Everything is screwed up.

Boys weren't taught to not have inappropriate intention or actions toward girls. Most guys I know learnt it themselves that it wasn't right, Congratulations. But still, one guy in ten thousand who don't realize how morally wrong it is will be enough to ruin a lot of lives.

Instead, girls were taught to not bring out the sexual desire in guys. The reason of "Guys have needs to fulfill" is utter bullshit. Do you think that only men have this sort of desire or whatnot? Women have them too- only that we were educated not to show it because it is inappropriate. Yes, put on that face of disgust of yours while thinking I'm a disgrace for saying these but it is the truth. Is it logical to you that while both genders have the same desires, males have the upper hand of fulfilling it by taking it out on other females? (I understand that there are cases where men are raped by women but that's besides my point).

In fact, recently in my home country a legislation was passed regarding rape. Sound legit? Sounds beneficial? wait till you hear it. It states that a rapists are allowed to marry their victim. The reason behind this was because that at least the victim will be happy and at least have a husband to take care of her. A RAPIST FOR A HUSBAND? GOD FORBID! I don't know which part of their Cerebrum is severely damaged to even think that she will be happy being married to her rapist. Would they want to wed their daughter or sister to a rapist? Okay, if a family wants to wed their daughter off to a rapist, it's really none of our goddamned business and we're in no position to stop or control because it is their family matters. But to pass it off as a legislation? Are they aware of the consequences? Think of obsessed stalkers. Just think about what would happen.

They've put it in a way that rape victim will not be loved after the rape incident. Whose fault is it? Why, why on earth for the doings of a horny man an innocent girl should bear the consequences. She did not ask for it, nobody asked for rape. Do you think all rape victims wear short skirts? No. I was catcalled and scanned up and down in my school uniform which was a little too big for me for goodness sake! Do not tell me it's because I am pretty or whatsoever, it disgusts me and it makes me feel dirty and worthless. Yes, guys who catcall and do things along the lines. This is how I feel when it happens while you're laughing proudly as if you've done your momma proud.

While it may work years ago to only control how women dress but I do not think it will work for years to come because this is getting out of hand. Why not instead of only telling our girls to dress conservatively, teach boys to not do what they're not supposed to do because it is not as simple as "fulfilling needs". It is completely ruining the life of another person. What the general public deem as inappropriate and the contributing factor to rape may not necessarily be the sole cause. We all have no idea what is in the mind of a potential rapist. Just because we think that wearing short skirts are the cause, it may not necessarily be. He may be obsessed with girls who has long hair. Then should all girls have short hair? What if they get turned on with just looking at girls? Then should we be locked away in towers?

"Young men need to be socialized in a way that rape is as unthinkable to them as cannibalism" - Mary Pipher 

My point is that we should all educate children and society differently. A girl can take precautions, but there is only so much she can do and It'll get worse, this is only the beginning. Despite all those feminism campaign and all, women will still and will always be treated as an item to fulfill sexual desires. Maybe instead of obsessively fighting for equal opportunity, we should fight for women's dignity, respect and rights to be treated as a human that goes beyond a pretty face, curvy bodies and a prized possession.

I am not a feminist, but I think this is what should be done for I think women are so much more than their physical appearance and what they can provide naked. Women are the things that they contribute to society, their motherly love and all the things they do fully clothed which does not involve anything sexual.